


Sometimes

by Silicu (silmil)



Category: A Choice with no Regrets - Fandom, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Gen, Introspection, Parallels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-25 08:43:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2615513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silmil/pseuds/Silicu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Levi looks at them and his heart clenches in his chest.</p>
<p>Or, the one where Levi observes Eren and his friends and can't help but see the past he can never have again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> So, there's this thing where I read A Choice With no Regrets and am majorly pissed at the fandom for hardly ever even mentioning Isabel and Furlan. So I decided to indulge myself - go figure.

Sometimes Levi looks at them and his heart clenches in his chest.

 

It’s wrong, they’re all too young and not broken enough. They’re too _different_.

Sometimes Arlert’s too quiet and uncertain, Ackerman’s too cold and detached and Eren’s so different from himself, so likable and open and _there_. Sometimes they’re surrounded by their friends on the big table, having one of the rare peaceful, almost happy moments the 104 thSquad somehow still manage to have.

It’s those times that Levi can shrug it off and turn back to Erwin’s plans or Hanji’s ramblings or Mike’s quiet company and be content.

 

But sometimes Mikasa’s eyes are too full of trust and wonder when she turns to Eren. Sometimes Armin’s too determined, too cunning and too loyal. Sometimes Eren stares unfalteringly with that wretched look of determination on his face that makes his threat to ‘kill every last titan’ ring true.

Sometimes it’s just the tree of them pulled away from the world, close and intimate and so damn glad to still have each other.

It’s something in his face those times, that makes Erwin quiet down and Hanji look at him with so much apology and sorrow in their eyes that Humanity’s Strongest has to look away.

 

And sometimes, after he’s seen them like that – close and honest and happy together –Levi goes back to his quarters and doesn’t sleep for fear of what his dreams would bring him.

Sometimes he dreams of them dying again, and sometimes he dreams of them alive with him in the capital. He always wakes with tears in his eyes and doesn’t know which dreams he hates more.

 

Sometimes he hears them talk about the world beyond the walls, and in the echo he hears two distant voices talking about the world above the ground.

“There’s a great big body of water called ‘the ocean’ that’s full of salt! Only water as far as the eye can see!”

_“No one drinks dirty water up there, you know. They even have baths every day, Levi, you’d love it!”_

“And fields of snow and ice covering the horizon. An eternal winter.”

_“They have proper heating and warm clothes, too. They don’t freeze in the street.”_

“And many animals, new spices and fruits! Food the kinds of which we’ve never even imagined!”

_“And Big Bro, they have all kinds of food up there, we can eat anything we want!”_

“No walls. No restrictions. Just the endless horizon in every direction.”

_“No ceiling, just the sky over your head, and the warmth of the sun on your skin.”_

Sometimes he wonders if it was worth it clawing his way out of one cage just to land into another. And sometimes he wonders if he wouldn’t have preferred the dirty cage if it meant he could still have _them_.

 

Sometimes he loves them with a burning determination, wants to be there to keep them and what they have safe from anyone, to face the titans and the government and fucking Kenny if he has to, if it means keeping their companionship safe.

But he wouldn’t, because he isn’t a protector and even when he’d tried to be, he’d failed anyway. And there’s still Farlan’s voice in the back of his mind telling him how impossible a task like that would be, and he’s always trusted Farlan’s plans.

 

And sometimes he hates them with a fire just as fierce in his heart, wants to end them, to tear them limb from limb and make Jager watch, because what right did he have to his friends when Levi had lost his so cruelly?

He never would, of course. He has some sort of compassion left in him, some twisted morals that wouldn’t allow him. Or maybe it's only Isabel’s voice whispering in his ear how he shouldn’t, and let’s face it, he’d never been good at denying her anything.

 

And sometimes, on some very rare days when they’ve survived once more, when he’d seen them overcome yet another obstacle and get one step closer to their dream, he _hopes_. He hopes that they would manage what he hadn’t, hopes that they would succeed, hopes that one day it would be just the ocean and three friends standing in front of it – Humanity’s Last Hope with his smart Armin( ~~Farlan~~ ) and faithful Mikasa( ~~Isabel~~ ).

And he thinks that he might not be their protector, but he could help them along the way, just a little bit.

 

Sometimes Levi looks at them and his heart clenches in his chest. And, sometimes, he doesn’t mind. 


End file.
